Terminated

I really feel for him. It can't be easy to be 'let go' or as his company says 'terminated.' Like death. He mourns yet is relieved. He's unsure yet hopeful. I think of it as a rebirth - he shouldn't have been in that toxic environment anyway. I honestly don't know how he lasted as long as he did. How did he endure the silence, the glares, the mocking tones, the dismissive comments? I hurt for him. Now I feel free and I can only hope he will soon feel that way too.

I worry about him. I need to be strong for him and positive and understand - not my strong suits most days. But now I know he needs me to be that for him. So I step up. He has a tendency to let these things bother him to the core. Shakes his confidence and his positive outlook. In those times, it's like he has no self-esteem. That's when I hug him tight, whisper "I love you", kiss his neck, crack a lame joke to try to make him smile, and say "you are talented and caring and you deserve better. We will be okay. You will be okay."

He keeps holding off telling his parents. Worried they will worry. I tell him that these are the things they want to know...he doesn't need to protect them...they will want to support him. I wonder if the real reason he doesn't want to tell them is that he's ashamed and doesn't want to be a loser in their eyes. No matter what I tell him, though, he can't shake that feeling. He hasn't said it out loud but we've been together for so long (14 years, wow!) that I see it in the hunch of his shoulders and the bare pain deep in his eyes. He doesn't yet understand there's nothing to be ashamed of. We just all want to show him love and strength and support so he gets through this unscathed.

It's his company that should be ashamed! What pricks. What assholes! That whole culture is so evil, so insidious, like cancer. It might not show up right away with any obvious signs, but it does it's damage day after day, where finally the body breaks down and shouts at you that something is wrong. I felt this for him, felt the cancer pounding on the door. It was just a matter of time.

In truth, though, I am ecstatic for him and for us. They are now essentially paying him to look for a new job. In the end, we have the last laugh. You bastards!